Your 40k Horoscope Is Relentless

When considering what to do, always consider your 40k Horoscope. We have the answers you seek. Check here and here for other publications of this guide to life. And if your faction hasn’t been done yet, comment below!

Custodes: You’ve always been the top dog. The child daddy actually did like. You’re not just a big meathead with superpowers running around the galaxy doing dad’s bidding, nor are you the spawn of that meathead. You’re the one he actually likes.

Vostroyans: People say you try too hard to look good. That dressing up is for peace time. You know that slaying your foes in style, be they heretic or alien, is what civilized warriors do. Nevermind if the content of your armor is more finery than protection. Who cares if people say your hat is silly. Emperor damn it, the guard should look good while they die in droves!

Sisters of Silence: You embody the phrase, seen but not heard. Hell, when it comes to people taking you seriously in a list, you’re really not seen, not heard, and not thought about. Given your ability to block out people’s thoughts though, that makes a lot of sense.

Tzeentch: Ahh, the smartest kid in the class. You always had the answer to everything but insisted on speaking in riddles. That didn’t make you a lot of friends, did it?

Image from Warhammer 40k Fandom


Malal: You’re known as the outcast, the renegade, and the lost. You were a big deal back in the day; kind of like the guy who can’t let everyone forget he was the prom king. Now you’re basically the god of the squats. And people think you stole Punisher’s style. But never fear! Everything can be retconned! Well, maybe if this was Marvel. It’s not that people don’t like you though, it’s just that no one knows you exist. Maybe hire a PR agent to make some new friends.

Magnus: You did everything wrong and your plan was terrible. Magnus’ folly should be the only thing on your tombstone.

Cadians: You got a bad break, man. Getting strapped with, “this planet full of regular people stands between the eye of terror and the rest of the universe,” is a tough birthright. I’m sure you could question your place in the universe after your home planet was destroyed by the equivalent of a guy smashing his car into your house while drunk, but better to listen to Imperial propaganda and slay the heretic. Don’t think for yourself, it requires a lot of work. And you’ll probably be called a heretic.

I hope you all enjoyed this installment!

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2 Responses to “Your 40k Horoscope Is Relentless”

  1. Avatar
    jason c gentry April 6, 2020 6:48 am #

    Dark angels unless they are covered under the general space marine label

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