By the Emperor! – Issue #12

Online Gazette “Tabletop Inquirer” Confirmed to Be a Fake News Site

FACEBOOK, THE INTERNET – In a breaking story, sources have confirmed that the online gazette “Tabletop Inquirer” is in fact, a fake news site. Our source, a Facebook Content QA Analyst by the name of Ralph Aisu, agreed to give us his story on how he came to this shocking revelation.

“So, as a sort of quick background, my job here at Facebook is to go through reasonably influential or popular pages and ensure that the content they are promoting, especially if they self-identify as a news organization, is in fact true news and/or lines up with Facebook Corporate’s mission statement.”

“I was actually checking the site on my own time, funny enough. I was reading through some articles I had missed when I noticed their report on Games Workshop’s Duncan Rhodes being replaced by a muppet version of himself. It was like a light turned on in my head and I thought to myself ‘Hmmm, something feels off here….’ Sure enough, next day at work using my suite of investigation software (which is totally not provided by the CIA in return for data farming, by the way), I dug deeper and found out the shocking truth: Tabletop Inquirer is fake news.”

BTE! received a number of other follow up confirmations that Tabletop Inquirer was fake from other reputable sources of information, including BablyonBee, The Beaverton, and Whitehouse.gov. BTE! Reached out to current and former readers for their reactions:

“Honestly, I’m not surprised. Everything these days is becoming fake. I mean, I was taught the world’s round, but it turns out it was actually a cylinder balancing on a turtle’s back swimming through the empyric void? You can’t know anything anymore.” – Jack H., Des Moines ID

“I was hurt, devastated, I…I’m having a hard time with this, please excuse me.” – “The Falcon”, Somewhere Cold, Canada

“Honestly, this is a good thing. I always knew they had some agenda with their broadcasting. Glad to know that they were fake, because truth in journalism is important, and not at all because they wrote about our event” – Jason L., Arlington, VA

“When I’m done re-enacting ‘Watergate’, I’ll send you guys a comment, but please leave now, our Deep Throat actor is about to show up” – Salty John, Some Parking Garage, CA

“I’m confused, I thought they were an actual news source?……what’s ‘satire’? No, this just makes me angry and I’m gonna write about it.” – Every 5th-7th Comment Writer, Facebook, Internet


That concludes our broadcast day! To ask our staff or editor questions, feel free to email alium.cepa.bte@gmail.com, and get a chance to have your question answered in our monthly Letters to the Editor!

And remember, Frontline Gaming sells gaming products at a discount, every day in their webcart!

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About Alium Cepa

Alium Cepa is just a man wanting to tell the truth how it is. He needs no fame or fortune, for his reward is to spread the truth...and he needs people to stop asking if he works for the Alpha Legion, because he's never heard of them, so quit it already.

2 Responses to “By the Emperor! – Issue #12”

  1. Dakkath January 16, 2020 1:24 pm #

    “Somewhere Cold, Canada”
    That doesn’t exactly narrow it down

    • Alium Cepa
      Alium Cepa January 16, 2020 1:50 pm #

      Dear Dakkath,

      We agree, however that is the only mailing address he gave us. He does in fact respond somehow so we haven’t questioned it.

      Alium Cepa, BTE! Editor

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