By The Emperor! – 2019 Year In Review

Hello Loyal Readers!

It has been a minute! We apologize sincerely for the lack of news and consistent Truth coverage these past several weeks. Our staff was plagued by what some call the “Gellerpox”, followed by their summary release in order to save the remaining staff. These surviving staff then had Sanguinala duties and boy howdy did they take some time to complete!

We here at BTE! hope you all have had a Merry Happy Holiday Season, and that your New Year realities are at least 55% positive in outlook!

As the year comes to a close, we had a number of news stories we wanted to bring coverage on to you, our Truth-seeking followers. While we brought to you as much as we could (and as much as could be handled), there were a number of events we didn’t have time to cover in full.

Instead, for your edification, we have presented them as single news headlines, from which you can accurately speculate with wild abandon!

  • Local Player becomes Rules Design Expert after new rules update
  • Intense discussion occurs in team chat of bold list concept that will ultimately go 3-3 due to piloting
  • The Falcon’s name was originally “The Pigeon” until Sean Parker of Napster convinced him to “just go with ‘The Falcon’”
  • Roboute Gulliman model was originally meant to be introduced as the first 40K Endless Spell
  • Local League Organizer to crack down on steroid use
  • Local Imperial Agents Player positive that their codex next, ignores that Kill Team exists
  • Tournament players not as enthused by “WAAAGH” scream after 30th time during 2-day GT
  • “40K Could Use Some Better Rules” says local store owner who has not played in 5 editions and has only played half a game of 8th
  • BackCurve Hobbies to offer “Slim Mats” for the calorie counting war-gamer
  • Player with 49% lifetime winning record in 8th Edition 40k to launch competitive focused podcast
  • League Organizer debates rigging game schedules for own amusement, like an Ancient Roman Emperor
  • Upcoming league opponent has Guy Fawkes profile pic; “This is a red flag” says local player
  • New 40K App Launches, providing no actual use whatsoever
  • Salty John creates 40k Meme Golden Throne (after trying to create the Memefinity Gauntlet), which then causes a beacon of light known as the Astromemeicon, which guides players to what is truly dank
  • “I have no memory of this place,” says Latin Gandalf Adam Solis when asked about 6th Edition Chaos Space Marines
  • Local 40K Player bemoans lack of podcasts; “Its barely like 200 hrs weekly”
  • Art of War Podcast hoping no one will notice recycled content in 2020 after running out of Top Players to interview
  • Ynnari players confused as to why they don’t have their original rules back yet
  • Imperial Knight Castellan viewed as “The Chosen One” to deal with Space Marine players; points reduced by 300 in sacrosanct clandestine ceremony
  • Black Library in a new Imperial Fists novel adds Chapter Master Valrak as a canonical character, in order to kill him off in the story-line by 3rd chapter
  • TO of large and well-known tournament wants to remind you that everyone is equal in this hobby, under him
  • Local casual player unsure why people can’t just play their league games on exact date and at exact time he can play once a month

That concludes our broadcast year! To ask our staff or editor questions, feel free to email alium.cepa.bte@gmail.com, and get a chance to have your question answered in our monthly Letters to the Editor! Happy New Year, everyone!

And remember, Frontline Gaming sells gaming products at a discount, every day in their webcart!

secondhandhsop

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About Alium Cepa

Alium Cepa is just a man wanting to tell the truth how it is. He needs no fame or fortune, for his reward is to spread the truth...and he needs people to stop asking if he works for the Alpha Legion, because he's never heard of them, so quit it already.

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