By The Emperor! Issue #7

Iron Hands FAQ to be Reversed After Results of SoCal Open 2019

NOTTINGHAM, ENGLAND- After receiving the results of the 2019 SoCal Open, it was announced that the Warhammer 40K Rules Team would be reversing the recent Iron Hands FAQ and Errata.

“Honestly, in a lot of ways, everyone on the rules team feels guilty for going too heavy handed on the Sons of Ferrus,” said Adrian Forester, a senior member of the Warhammer 40K Rules team. “We wanted to provide a new and balanced rule-set that that all players could enjoy playing with and against, and we thought we had that balance once we released the post-supplement FAQ. After seeing T’au win an ITC major, it appears we made a mistake, and we need to own up to that.”

Adrian continued, somberly deleting the Iron Hands FAQ files from the Warhammer Community website. “None of us thought this would happen. T’au really haven’t changed since this spring, and seeing a boosted new codex for Space Marines, with different layering supplements adding even more options for players to perform well, we thought there wouldn’t be any chance of anything Xenos or Chaos outperforming Imperium. Clearly, we were wrong, and going on the record as saying we made a mistake.”

“At first we thought it could have been that the new Space Marine rules, while powerful, weren’t enough on their own to make a player win a game, and that 40K was still very much a game of individual skill and some chance luck in the current competitive meta,” explained Adrian. “However, that would mean that either the pilot of a Space Marine army or the Space Marine army itself could be sub-optimal, and that’s something we cannot stand for based on our principles of Imperium being the best.”

Adrian concluded his conversation with BTE! Reporters with the following statements. “Expect an article on Warhammer Community to be released soon, reversing the Iron Hands and Ultramarines FAQ’s. Speaking of Ultramarines, we think that Sergeant Chronos was unnecessarily nerfed as well, so we’re giving Scorpius Whirlwinds the “WHIRLWIND” keyword back, and we’re allowing Chronos to pilot any vehicle Space Marines have access to. Additionally, the Salamanders and Imperial Fists FAQ’s, assuming we release any, will be very sparse. If anything, we will explain that any ambiguous rules interpretations (such as the “Self Sacrifice” stratagem for Salamanders) that have a less powerful or more powerful interpretation, should always be considered the more powerful version of the rule, assuming the benifitting unit has the “IMPERIUM” keyword.”

That’s all the news we have for today! And remember, Frontline Gaming sells gaming products at a discount, every day in their webcart!

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About Alium Cepa

Alium Cepa is just a man wanting to tell the truth how it is. He needs no fame or fortune, for his reward is to spread the truth...and he needs people to stop asking if he works for the Alpha Legion, because he's never heard of them, so quit it already.

13 Responses to “By The Emperor! Issue #7”

  1. Dakkath October 29, 2019 8:07 am #

    Little late for april 1st, aren’t ya?

    • Whoosh October 29, 2019 8:34 am #

      Every instance of this article is satire.

    • Allium Cepa October 29, 2019 8:46 am #

      Dakkath,

      Thank you for your comment. After confirming with BTE! Editors, the scheduled date for this article release was in fact today. Our April 1st article is actually titled “101 Ways BTE! Is Real News and In Fact Not Satirical In Any Way,” and we are delighted to share that with you ahead of time.

      Thank you again for your concern over our production timing. Getting the truth out there requires everyone to be on board, and we’re glad you are!

    • SaltyJohn
      SaltyJohn October 29, 2019 8:54 am #

      First day on the internet? 7 editions into this series of articles and people still think these are real, It’s like a microcosmic analysis of why people still fall for Onion and Babylonbee articles.

      • Reecius
        Reecius October 29, 2019 11:32 am #

        The people that think they’re real is the best part though, hahaha!

      • Dakkath October 29, 2019 11:41 am #

        I didn’t “fall” for anything. Frankly I haven’t been keeping up with this series since it’s got a similar name as one of the painting articles and thought they were the same thing.

        • Reecius
          Reecius October 29, 2019 12:00 pm #

          Fair enough, not implying you were not intelligent or anything, it’s just funny when people do think they’re real in the same way the Onion articles are funny.

  2. Faitherun
    Matthew W October 29, 2019 9:02 am #

    Best
    Article
    Yet

    Can I sign up for a weekly subscription?

    • Allium Cepa October 29, 2019 9:11 am #

      Matthew,

      Thank you for your praise. While our greatest reward is getting the truth out there, seeing others elated makes it all the easier.

      We do not have a subscription method as of yet, although we do release a minimum of 1 news story a week. In the meantime, you can check Frontlinegaming.org every day for due diligence.

      BTE! will be sending you a consumer email survey to help gauge our content quality. Please note that all questions are very important to us and it is important to answer accurately; whether it is your social security number, your ability to drive a Rhino under enemy fire, or your current government connections, we would like to know!

      Best wishes,

      BTE! Staff

  3. Reecius
    Reecius October 29, 2019 10:35 am #

    Lol, great stuff per usual!

  4. B. Raven October 29, 2019 12:08 pm #

    I laughed after reading this…then paused…then I checked the FAQ page.

    • SaltyJohn
      SaltyJohn October 29, 2019 12:44 pm #

      LOL, best comment yet.

    • Anggul October 30, 2019 1:52 am #

      That’s what’s scary – How believable it is

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