By The Emperor! Issue #3

2019 September Big FAQ Almost Gave All Units “FLY” Keyword, “just to see what happens.”

PARIS, TEXAS – In an obscure location after weeks of anonymous communications, “By the Emperor!” reporters were able to confirm via an unnamed, in person, completely anonymous and untraceable source that the 2019 September Big FAQ actually had several different directions, with one actually giving the “FLY” keyword to every unit in the game.

“Honestly, we thought about it and said to ourselves initially ‘Why not? Give everyone the FLY keyword. Let’s see what happens.'” Our unnamed source went on, speaking through a vocoder while dressed in a Death Korps of Krieg uniform to hide his identity.

“Our initial thinking was that the FLY keyword is usually what players react to or build around each FAQ and update, so if we gave everything that keyword, our sales would probably jump and gameplay-wise everyone would be happy.” 

The “Kriegsman” went on, his vocoder not hiding his fairly distinctive accent very well. “We also thought as well that this would solve a lot of faction balance problems, and at least solve 50% of the issues with terrain rules currently, if not 60%. I mean, if everyone had fly, then everyone could fit on top of the 1 mm edges, or precarious terrain spikes, which means everyone would have access to the rule and the complaints would stop. Simple right?”

Stating he was thirsty, the Kriegsman than began to sip Earl Grey through a straw in his rebreather, before continuing on. “Not to mention, with the new Space Marine Codex, we figured giving everyone FLY would help with power creep. I mean, sure a repulsor can fall back and shoot, but now imagine a chaos land raider flying over impassable terrain, charging, only to fall back on its next turn and shoot? Now have it surrounded by flying plaguebearers and tell me that doesn’t sound like a game state improvement.”

As the interview concluded, the Kriegsman packed his things together in a satchel and put his ticket with a destination of Doncaster Sheffield Airport in his pocket.  “In the end, when it came down to The Dart Board of Chaos, where we decide which of the top 4 drafts or codex ideas to publish, the FAQ the public sees now is what won out, beating out the “FLY FAQ” as we were calling it, and the SM FAQ, where their new rules only applied on Wednesdays, Thursdays, and alternating weekends. I won’t even begin to talk about the ‘Everything is Now in the Metric System’ FAQ.”

The Kriegsman declined further comment, thanked BTE reporters for a wonderful time, and made a sly teaser comment about how in the future we would either see Kroot get a full Codex, or Exodites finally seeing an official release, but only via a White Dwarf Index and some upgrade packs.

That’s all the news we have for this week! And remember, Frontline Gaming sells gaming products at a discount, every day in their webcart!

secondhandhsop

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About Alium Cepa

Alium Cepa is just a man wanting to tell the truth how it is. He needs no fame or fortune, for his reward is to spread the truth...and he needs people to stop asking if he works for the Alpha Legion, because he's never heard of them, so quit it already.

3 Responses to “By The Emperor! Issue #3”

  1. NinetyNineNo October 7, 2019 7:18 am #

    ” I won’t even begin to talk about the ‘Everything is Now in the Metric System’ FAQ.””

    Funny, way back when as a kid I used to sneak peeks at the WFB rulebooks whenever I was at the store and it (Spanish version) was actually in metric. Didn’t translate too well.

    • Allium Cepa October 8, 2019 9:20 am #

      Wow, that was probably a better decision to not carry that across to the States 😀

      • WestRider October 8, 2019 11:20 am #

        I think the reactions to Epic 3rd Ed and BFG convinced them that wouldn’t be a good idea.

        Not to mention that when they first did stuff for LotR, they included both inch and cm measurements, but weren’t consistent in their conversions, so some things were actually significantly better or worse depending on which measurement system you were using. I haven’t paid attention to their Middle Earth stuff for years, so I don’t know if they stopped that or cleaned it up, but it was pretty bad at the start, for sure.

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