The 5 Types of 40k Tournament Players

A Phat J Sleaze (the jabroni formerly known as Rawdogger) here to talk about the 5 types of players you are likely to run into at a Warhammer 40k tournament.

Ah, the 40k tournament.   Loud, sweaty and occasionally stinky, 40k tournaments have gotten some flak from the 40k community throughout the years.  Though some may see them as a den of villainy and scummy lists, the likes the galaxy has never seen before, the majority that I have attended throughout the years have been full of intense games, close battles, and entertaining rage quits.  As varied as the experiences you may have at a 40k tournament are, so too are the different type of players you will interact with.  The following are the 5 types of players you will likely meet at a large 40k tournament.


The Jobber – This is the guy that plays the same list day in and day out for a year in preparation for an event. Is his list any good? Probably not, but what the hell he’s been using those Purifiers for a year now and damn it he’s gotten pretty good at using that cleansing flame so Battle Company better watch the fuck out. They will also normally know your army better than you do yourself, due to playing 10 games a week.  The Jobbers will consistently place around the middle of the pack each and every event and then wonder where the hell it all went wrong, only to go back to the same list in preparation for the next big tournament.  All they need to do is find the trick to using Blood Angels that no one else in the world has already tried. Then they’ll show you.  THEN THEY’LL MAKE YOU SEE.

Hardcore Holly

The Local Hero – He’s a godamned legend in his neck of the woods.   His veracity is spoken of in hushed tones around his friendly local game store.   He’s the alpha male of his group, and as far as anyone knows he is the best 40k player of all time.  Generally these players are woefully unprepared for the REAL shitkicker lists they will face at a large 40k tournament and are usually the first to rage quit in spectacular fashion.  Being the best player of their group has lent them false confidence and when faced against a true heavy hitter their resolve usually cracks and you’ll notice their intoxication levels increase as their world falls apart around them.

the rock

The Celebrity – It’s hard to admit it but in our little world there are some well-known people in our community.  Be they podcast hosts, Youtube stars, or website writers, it’s great to see these people in person after reading or watching their material year after year. They are usually shorter and fatter than you imagined as well.  If you are lucky enough to find yourself matched up against one of these people you’re usually in for a fun game, since people who are publicly in the spotlight tend to behave better even when a game isn’t going their way.

too cool

The Fun Guy – You know him, you love him.  He’s the guy that brought Imperial Guard infantry squads in Chimeras with one standard Leman Russ.  He’s also the guy laughing and handing out Fireball Whiskey shots.  He doesn’t give a shit that your Wraithguard just jumped out of a webway portal and popped his Land Raider filled with Tactical Terminators with their D-Cannons, he was just happy to watch the explosion!  The fun guy will be on the bottom tables all weekend but you’ll hear his inebriated laughing throughout the tournament.


The Real Deal– This guy has a familiar name. It takes you a second to realize it, but soon you’ll come to the realization you’re playing against the Real Deal. Middle name, Fucking.  This guy has won every major tournament in the country, twice.  You begin the sweat as you realize he’s mapped out the entire game before you even roll to see who is deploying first.  He remembers to throw Frag Grenades and you better fucking believe those are mysterious objectives, which he uses to Skyfire your ass to death with.   When playing against The Real Deal you have two options.  Option in the first, you go down like a jabroni and become just another name on the Real Deal’s march to the top table.  Or, you go with your second option and pull a miracle out of your ass and knock that punk off their high horse, ruining their chance to take home the gold.  From then on, you’ll be content with knowing you are the reason for The Real Deal’s drunken lamenting at the hotel bar that evening, a guy from nowhere that cost them the sweet victory that they so justly deserved.

So what kind of tournament player has been left off the list?  What kind of tournament player are you?


About Jason

Raw Dogger, aka, Phat J Sleaze (formerly of the Booty Boyzzz) is a highly opinionated, questionably skilled 40k enthusiast. When not working at Frontline Gaming, he can be found down on Jabroni Avenue.

46 Responses to “The 5 Types of 40k Tournament Players”

  1. iNcontroL December 17, 2015 12:14 am #

    always a hoot 🙂

  2. abusepuppy December 17, 2015 1:24 am #

    I don’t know how, but I took the quiz and got Charmander.

    • 1PlusArmour December 17, 2015 5:47 am #

      I got Sailor Mercury!

      • abusepuppy December 17, 2015 7:42 am #

        Dude Mercury is the WORST. Her attacks suck, she never does anything useful, and she’s not even good at being a nerd. You should retry until you at least get Neptune, she’s like Mercury++.

        • CaptainA December 17, 2015 9:05 am #

          Your just not using her right….sheesh. Think outside the bun…er box….er crap.

          • abusepuppy December 17, 2015 1:39 pm

            Um hello I just Neptune is better than Mercury in every way. Neptune is a psychic lesbian supergenius musician with a magic mirror that can drown demons.

            Mercury owns a shitty iPhone.

            It’s no contest.

    • Reecius
      Reecius December 17, 2015 10:32 am #

      Jiggly Puff?!?! I want my money back! =P

  3. Drok55555 December 17, 2015 2:26 am #

    Goat boy is the jobber!!

  4. Vercingatorix December 17, 2015 6:18 am #

    For me, as a person that plays a psychic army, it would be “That guy who has never played against Psykers and is convinced your cheating”.

    “I’m going to cast psychic shriek on these guys” – Me
    “it goes off on 3, do you wish to deny?” – Me
    “Nah man, do whatever” – Other Guy
    “Okay, I rolled a 14, your thunderfire cannon takes 6 wounds, no armor or cover saves” – Me
    “Are you sure? That’s ridiculous!” *furiously gets out book
    “Sigh….” – Me

    Whats frustrating is that in the example above, if I go first, this is the first interaction I have with my opponent as I hate thunderfires. It just sets a bad tone for the whole game.

    • Vercingatorix December 17, 2015 6:24 am #

      This is very different from the person who “has never played psykers before” who you have to explain everything too. This person I don’t mind at all! We usually have a good game. I’m talking about the person that doesn’t ask for explanations because “the games just so broken man” or they tell me to “just do whatever” or profess their knowledge but are still continually surprised. I usually only do flickering fire, shriek, cursed earth, and summoning! Not that crazy!

  5. fluger December 17, 2015 7:36 am #

    I’m now the fun guy playing fungi!

  6. DirtyDeeds December 17, 2015 7:45 am #

    Ha, great write up! I love it!

  7. CaptainA December 17, 2015 9:13 am #

    You forgot:

    The Flipper Flopper
    This guy can’t use the same list twice. He has shiny model syndrome, hobby add, or lose once and quit his army no more. He blames his games on dice, sells his army on Craigslist, buys a new one at the game store in hopes it will be the next new thing. He flip flops more than a fish our of water. He places last…dead last…all the time…every time…until he learns from the Jobber a bit to practice!

    Was that Rawdogger enough or too Rawdogger? 🙂

    All in jest, can’t wait to share a bed with you at TSHFT!

    • Reecius
      Reecius December 17, 2015 9:38 am #

      That actually described Raw Dogger, he is the Flip Flopper, lol

      • CaptainA December 17, 2015 9:52 am #

        I know! Tee hee!

        • Ibushi December 17, 2015 10:27 am #

          This is so true!! definitely needs to be added

      • white925 December 17, 2015 10:20 am #

        Raw Dogger is just the Flopper.

    • Phat J December 17, 2015 10:54 am #

      Who is Rawdogger?

  8. ntdars December 17, 2015 9:23 am #

    Jabroni….cool word.

  9. Reecius
    Reecius December 17, 2015 9:35 am #

    I identify strongly with Bobby Salsa, haha!

  10. DCannon4Life December 17, 2015 9:45 am #

    How about: “Fast and Loose When It’s His Turn” (and an IRS Auditor when it’s his opponent’s turn).

    • Reecius
      Reecius December 17, 2015 9:51 am #

      Lol, yeah, that is another good one!

      • Ibushi December 17, 2015 10:28 am #

        Haha yeah definitely on there somewhere, along with “the guy who won’t shut up during your turn” (and pensively thinks through everything in silence on his turn)

    • Vercingatorix December 17, 2015 10:13 am #

      I think this is something that I have to work on when it comes to pile-in moves. I’m always forgetting and then doing them during the opponents turn.

      • Reecius
        Reecius December 17, 2015 10:25 am #

        Interesting tactic! haha

  11. Jural December 17, 2015 10:31 am #

    There’s also “The Whiner” He kvetches and moans when he rolls 3 ones on 8 dice, or his reserve rolls don’t go as planned. He passive aggressively complains about how overpowered your genestealers are when he brought a fluffy Stormsurge list. He can’t help but notice that some of the models you put on the table aren’t shaded the same way, whereas his three color army is very uniform.

    Then, on turn 4 the luck turns in his favor (or as he puts it- finally some average rolling with 11 6’s on 12 die) and he wipes the table with you, convinced that he has just pulled out a miracle!

    • Reecius
      Reecius December 17, 2015 10:33 am #

      Gah, that describes me a little bit, I am afraid to say, haha, apart from the fluffy strong unit part, I certainly don’t pretend I brought a gun to a knife fight when I do.

      • 1PlusArmour December 17, 2015 1:44 pm #

        something something stompa eye lazers

  12. Arrias December 17, 2015 12:00 pm #

    How about, “He who is cursed by Tzeentch”

    Often heard saying things like, “All I need to do, is not roll four 1’s…” right before rolling five, or “A four inch charge? I got this!” just before he doesn’t. Ever seen a single termagant kill a terminator, in melee? This player has. Psykers perils and deepstrikers mishap at the very mention of his name. It may not be that all of his rolls are poor, but when the dice truly matter, everyone around can see lady luck has him solidly in “The Friend Zone”. An outside observer may be filled with innumerable burning questions such as, “Just how many puppies did he kick in a past life?”, “How long does he have until the Gypsy’s curse is lifted?”, and far more commonly, “If I touch his dice, will I catch it?” These forsaken gamers come in two distinct flavors. First are those who are resigned to their fate, and revel in it. Just how many ones can you roll in a row anyway? Lets keep count! Last game, all his Imperial Knights died in a chain of explosions, and he’s still laughing about it. Feel free to enjoy the free win, and the jovial absurdity. The other kind is the one in denial. Every game this player starts with a burning hope for the future. This time, things will be different. After all, he just got done baptizing his dice in mountain dew and vodka, there’s no way the bad juju could follow him now! Thirty minutes and thirty out of forty failed 3+ saves later, head hung low, he will know the truth. Weep for these poor souls, for they are truly worth your pity. Yet, beware, opponents of both kinds of those disavowed by serendipity, for every so often, the foul stars will align, and the Tzeentchian aura of misfortune may swell to critical mass. Prepare to have the most ridiculous game of your life, as both armies reach levels of incompetency never before seen outside of a Monty Python skit. Waves of the emperors finest will die by their own plasma weaponry. Tigurius himself will perils and be sucked into the warp. Crisis Suits will trip and die on a rock, and their squad will break and run. When the Emperor finally smiles upon you both and the game ends, be sure to gift your opponent a beverage of his choosing. It may be the only way to keep the affliction from spreading.

    • Archon-Kalafex December 17, 2015 12:44 pm #

      Yea, I think this one describes me pretty well….. Lol oh how greatful I am for twin-linked.

      • Dakkath December 17, 2015 1:06 pm #

        Oh yeah, this one’s me. With a splash of jobber.

    • Vercingatorix December 17, 2015 1:21 pm #

      I think there’s also the people that think this is them but are actually just bad at doing statistics. I see this most with people assuming “Flamers > orks” in all situations. They drop pod their squad of flame thrower marines next to the green tide expecting reap a heavy toll. the 3 flamers touch 5 orks each, 8 wound. I make 1 4+ save from the heavy armored ork and 3 FnPs, so 4 orks die and 3 rapid firing bolters kill another 2.
      They say “only 6, that’s ridiculous!” and I laugh and say “It happens to us all!”

      • Archon-Kalafex December 17, 2015 2:15 pm #

        Oh yea those guys exist. I have cursed models I think. Because one Venom will roll really average, so 12 shots, 8 hits, 4 wounds. But another Venom does something els very irritating. 12 shots, 11 hits, 2 wounds. They are very consistant at this and it is strange….

    • Gonka Koff December 18, 2015 1:51 pm #

      Hah! that’s me, I have actually managed to win a tournament and at the same time winning the “worst luck” prize.

    • punchymango December 19, 2015 3:53 pm #

      My first TSHFT ever I had a game like that last bit. My crisis suits took more damage from dangerous terrain as they did from enemy fire, since my opponent couldn’t hit anything, ever, at all, and what he did hit with he couldn’t wound with. All the pskyers on the board melted themselves to death in the first couple of turns. My devilfish immobilized themselves right off the bat.

      My opponent was pretty grumpy, but in retrospect that game was hilarious.

  13. Alex Yuen December 17, 2015 1:41 pm #

    What about the type that goes to tournament to pick up HOT CHICKS? one night stand maybe? what about those type?

    ****you can stop laughing now***

    • Phat J December 17, 2015 3:08 pm #

      I know a couple people like this, haha

    • abusepuppy December 17, 2015 4:57 pm #

      If you’re looking for chicks at a wargaming tournament, you are either very deluded or very optimistic.

      • Gonka Koff December 18, 2015 1:56 pm #

        I can recall three times it has happened, and ended in an erotical act, and two of those times it was actually a man and a woman!

  14. drok55555 December 17, 2015 3:58 pm #

    Bobby Salsa is my dad!

    • Reecius
      Reecius December 17, 2015 4:00 pm #

      Like, joking or seriously? Haha, that would be awesome if actually was your dad!

  15. bigpig December 17, 2015 11:16 pm #

    Spectacular! I look for and hope to play them all and finish somewhere upper mids!

    Call me the spoiler 🙂

  16. Adan December 24, 2015 4:52 pm #

    I’d like to think I’m The Fun Guy, and I also really have a bad case of the “cursed by Tzeentch” almost every time. I once had an opponent apologize to me…. for my own dice!

    Oh, I really want to throat punch the whiner/fast-loose guy. Every. Time.

    • Adan December 24, 2015 4:53 pm #

      But’s it REALLY fun when I get to go to events with my (IRL) friend The Celebrity. 😉

  17. AngryPanda January 16, 2016 2:21 pm #

    I’m the jobber. This is so depressing.
    Well at least I murdered a lot of local hero’s egos over the years.

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