Guest editorial by Raw Dogger: Readers Beware!
Clown Baby here and today I wanted to talk about the merits of creating your own Space Marine Chapter for the tabletop war game, Warhammer 40,000. I call it 40k. It’s an abbreviated name, and I think it will really take off around the internet. I am afraid to admit to you all that I was an abused man. I had a lover, who beat me up constantly, and no matter what he did to me I continued to crawl back to him. He berated me and treated me like a child, insulted me in front of my friends, and (this pains me to say) was a violent and selfish lover. His name is Games Workshop. He used to be really sweet. When we first met he would sell me a Land Raider for $40. Then he started to drink, and before I knew it I was using my 29% Citbank credit card in order to come up with the $75 it took to get a new one. My family and friends would constantly lecture me. They would ask how I could pay $75 for the same product that used to cost $40 less than a decade ago, and I would tell them that they don’t know Games Workshop like I did. He really loved me. They were just jealous of our relationship. Well, one day after Games Workshop had been drinking more than usual, he tried to charge me $82.50 for a Storm Raven that used to cost $60 less than 2 years ago. That was enough. I packed my bags that night and left. It’s been a tough journey of healing and self discovery, but I finally think that I am strong enough to talk about how I escaped the money grabbing drunk that is Games Workshop. I still love him, but I’m no longer IN love with him.
I found that after some time away, I still wanted to play 40k (see how easy that is compared to writing Warhammer 40,000?). However, I did not want to return to the abusive pattern of behavior that I had grown accustomed to. I noticed that I had a large collection of Space Marines (who doesn’t)and began to feel bad about the time and money I had spent collecting and assembling the models, never having really played with them due to the shiny new products constantly being released by GW (this is an abbreviation of Games Workshop. I think this abbreviation will also take off eventually). I began to think of all the codices I could play with these models. The only difference, really, with the different Space Marine chapters is the color of the armor and the special characters. I began to play around with different color schemes until I came up with a teal and white pattern that I didn’t hate terribly. After that I came up with a name, the Mind Rangers (I stole this name from Big Nasty B from Life after the Cover Save, a 40k podcast I suggest you check out)which would feature librarians in all lists. I then purchased the various Space Marine codices that I did not already own, as well as a couple unique chapter specific characters and got to work painting. From then on, the only things that I needed to purchase were the new codices (I bought all of these anyways) and the odd special character here and there. However, much like rollerblading, the use of custom chapters seems to raise a lot of eyebrows. My word of advice is that if you create a cool chapter with a unique color scheme and keep the special characters and legion specific vehicles (Dark Angel DJ Speeder) within your unique paint scheme, people will be a lot more receptive to your skin flint ways. Enjoy your cheap army and if people still give you shit, F them. F them in their A. Like Old Jack always says, “What the hell.”