Your 40k Horoscope: Spring is in the Air

Pollen and a bunch of other nasty things are floating around. Take heart with some heartfelt and humorous advice and criticism according to your 40k faction!

Image from Warhammer40k Fandom

Howling Griffons: If the #1 thing you heard about your appearance is, “I really love your use of color!” you’re probably a Howling Griffin. Sure, you’re descended from the smurf people and your great grandad is pretty hard to live up to, but did the apple have to fall so far from the tree? The universal energy flowing through this column would encourage you to rethink the paint job. There’s a giant rift in the center of the galaxy; now might be a good time to fake your own death and come back with a better look.

Image from Warhammer 40k Database

Black Dragons: People say you’re cursed. Your name is freak. But you’re more badass than the naysayers. In an age where everyone is trying to be the next big thing, you can fall back on your emperor-given, Wolverine rip-off bone blades. People may have shunned you for as long as you remember and you’re under more investigations that Terran politicians (damn inquisition!), but you know that weird is good, and you’re going to stay that way.

Iyanden: Your motto is, “I see dead people.” While your buddies from other Craftworlds were training relentlessly to become professional killers, you were fervently hoping that you’d be able to join the ranks of the Wraithpeople sooner rather than later. Unfortunately, those guys don’t read their horoscope (being dead and all), so if you’re reading this, you’re a Spiritseer. And everyone knows Spiritseers are just Farseers with a death fetish, rather than an obsession with meddling in the future. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that, but you should know where you stand.

Image from Warhammer 40k Fandom

Red Scorpions: You’re mysterious, but you’re not unique. Your second claim to fame (the first being no one knowing where the hell you came from,) is that you have an extreme devotion to the emperor and a strict interpretation of the Codex Astartes. But, isn’t that every damn Space Marine chapter? You’re obsessed with genetic purity, but again, that’s most Space Marines. You guys hate everything that isn’t a human being. We get it. You may consider broadening your horizons and being a bit more accepting of others. You have fought with the filthy Eldar, after all. 

Image from Warhammer 40k Fandom

Mymeara: Ah, the forge world elves. Were you and your kinfolk created as a marketing tool? Perhaps. Part of a classic, lost-but-now-I-am-found trope, you and your fellows Asuryani popped into the galaxy after a stint believing you were the last Elves left in the grim dark universe, and into our hearts with a badass paint scheme and your very own holy scripture (Forge World Book.) Your poster boys, the Shadow Spectres, were part of a hot trend but fell victim to another holy scripture (Chapter Approved.) Yours is a tale of ups and downs. However, you can always take heart in looking cooler than everyone else. That’s what really counts, right?

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