By The Emperor! – Thanksgiving Editorial

Hello Loyal Readers!

I, Alium Cepa, HarrowEditor for the BTE! news series hosted by Frontline Gaming, on behalf of all the writers and journalists, would like to offer our well wishes during this Thanksgiving week. We here at BTE! hope your week is filled with fun, family, good food, more family, in-laws, the Truth, American Football, relaxation, and family. 

To that end, rather than deliver our constantly requested probably award worthy take on Truth and Justice, today we have a treat for you the readers, in the form of some little-known Thanksgiving facts! Check out these totally true tidbits below!

  • While Thanksgiving takes its origin from the passengers of The Mayflower sharing a meal with the local Native Americans, the word “Thanksgiving” actually dates back farther, to ancient Babylon, when land holders would gift each other Tanks of Fish as a sign of respect and peace
  • There are approximately 845 hundred thousand turkeys consumed on Thanksgiving day in California, and about 75% of those are consumed by humans!
  • Speaking of turkeys, they were in fact not a part of the Thanksgiving tradition until the mid 1860’s, when Lincoln ate a turkey instead of the traditional walrus, on a dare from Jefferson Davis (some historians actually believe this to be the true cause of the American Civil War)
  • The Macy’s Thanksgiving day parade is no longer actually viewed by anyone in person; the attendees, anchors, floats, and participants are all added via Green Screen technology
  • When the country of modern day Turkey received the name it has today, it was due to the new ruler’s penchant for eating turkeys
  • While it is a longtime tradition for the American President to “pardon” a turkey, what is not shown are the 50 other turkeys who are shot and made an example of for the other turkey inmates in the secret underground prison underneath the White House
  • Many 40K intellectuals posit that the constant sacrifice of psykers to the Golden Throne of the Emperor is a symbol of American Consumerism on Black Friday specifically, where thousands of shoppers are slaughtered mindlessly for the sake of -10% off of retail
  • Studies have shown that people who believe these lists are the most likely to be contacted by BTE!’s Asset Acquisition Department for some holiday questioning and festive indoctrination!

That concludes our broadcast day! To ask our staff or editor questions, feel free to email alium.cepa.bte@gmail.com, and get a chance to have your question answered in our monthly Letters to the Editor! Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

And remember, Frontline Gaming sells gaming products at a discount, every day in their webcart!

secondhandhsop

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About Alium Cepa

Alium Cepa is just a man wanting to tell the truth how it is. He needs no fame or fortune, for his reward is to spread the truth...and he needs people to stop asking if he works for the Alpha Legion, because he's never heard of them, so quit it already.

4 Responses to “By The Emperor! – Thanksgiving Editorial”

  1. GeekmasterK November 27, 2019 6:38 am #

    The first one sounded so believable, I believed the second one, and didn’t start calling BS until Abraham Lincoln and the traditional walrus. Well played!

  2. Polyproline November 27, 2019 8:43 am #

    My local gaming store hosts and annual “Tanksgiving” the evening before Thanksgiving. Everyone brings food, drinks, and a 40K tank (no superheavies) and plays a battle royale.

    • Reecius
      Reecius November 27, 2019 8:44 am #

      That sounds like a blast!

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