By The Emperor! – Issue #8

Super Competitive “Pay to View” podcast for 40K players with disposable income to release exciting new content on how to use a measuring tape, dice, and scorecards like a pro.

ORANGE COUNTY, CALIFORNIA – In a much anticipated announcement, a local competitive subscription based podcast for competitive 40K players with disposable incomes stated that their upcoming paid content was on how to use a measuring tape, dice, scorecards like a pro. The showrunner, Billy Braggins, made the announcement on his podcast’s Facebook page, “Training at Fort Braggins Radio.”

“We were really excited to announce this for our monthly paying listeners of TFB Radio,” said Billy. “Too often at tournaments I go to (and place 2nd or 3rd or 5th at EASY), I see a lot of players make huge mistakes with how they use their measuring tapes or how the roll their dice. I get asked questions all the time on our exclusive ‘TFB Pro Paid Radio’ Discord chat about these topics as well.”

“I can’t tell you how many times my listeners with no sense of financial priorities who have opted into our subscription service have asked me ‘Billy, am I rolling wrong? My rolls are bad.’ Or another common question: ‘Billy, what are inches? How can I read them?’ Or even ‘Billy, is it ok if my dice have two 6’s and no 2’s?’” Billy laughed and shook his head as he counted his money. “I’m just glad we’re able to finally release an easy, go-to, authoritative episode on the subject, all for $49.99”

Billy continued, all the while filing his money into various folders and briefcases. “We plan on adding this episode to a 6-disc set we’re calling ‘How-To 40k?’, which is chock full of questions we have received from our fans about the hobby. One of the discs comes directly from my extensive experience, where I’ve noticed the average player lacks the basic understanding of reading a codex. For only $29.99 (if you’re buying that disc), we teach you the basics of language in order to read. Disc two of that particular lesson (which is another $29.99) teaches you how to only read the part of the rule that benefits you. Both discs will be available in our complete ‘How-To 40k?’ set, which should run about $120, if you’re not buying the collector’s edition.”

“Of course, with everything, we ran it by our ‘TFB Pro Paid Radio’ Discord chat too, to see if that was the content they wanted to see next. Our ‘Pro Paid’ tier, which is about $30 a month in addition to episode prices, carries a lot of unique perks with it, including access to our Discord chat, me acknowledging you exist, and votes on content like what I’ve just described. Of course, the winning vote has to be approved by our members in the ‘TFB Pro Paid Radio – Platinum’ level Discord chat, who pay $50 a month to have access to that level of creative control we love to share with our fans.”

At press time, BTE! Reporters told our editors that the interview was essentially concluded, as Billy Braggins had gone into a non-stop monologue into the different pricing options his podcast had available. Our reporters were able to confirm with members of the twenty different Discord chats that the next episode after was most likely to be centered around beating the Imperial Guard/Castellan/Blood Angels list archetype which dominated the meta about a year ago.


That concludes our broadcast day! To ask our staff or editor questions, feel free to email alium.cepa.bte@gmail.com, and get a chance to have your question answered in our monthly Letters to the Editor!

And remember, Frontline Gaming sells gaming products at a discount, every day in their webcart!

secondhandhsop

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About Alium Cepa

Alium Cepa is just a man wanting to tell the truth how it is. He needs no fame or fortune, for his reward is to spread the truth...and he needs people to stop asking if he works for the Alpha Legion, because he's never heard of them, so quit it already.

2 Responses to “By The Emperor! – Issue #8”

  1. Reecius
    Reecius November 8, 2019 2:36 pm #

    Too real, lol.

  2. Michael Corr
    Michael Corr November 12, 2019 12:21 am #

    Haha! Love it!

Leave a Reply to Michael Corr