Simon from 40K Brawl brings us another great bat rep! Pfft, you got stone? PLEASE. I’ve got Stone Crushers man! Simon here from 40k Brawl! busting out Forge Worlds take on the Carnifex to see what sort of mischief they can get up to and if they are in fact the meanest head splitters in town!
(…They are slow as shit!)
Primary – Crusade
Secondary – Purge the Alien/Devour!
Secondary – Slay the Warlord, First Blood, Line breaker
Deployment – Hammer and Anvil, Objectives
Battlefield – Imperial Fists perspective
Pedro Kantor – Iron Resolve
Hive Tyrant – Inspiring Presence
Psychic Powers – Tyranids
Tyrant Warlord – Dominion, Catalyst, The Horror
Tyrant – Dominion, onslaught, Paroxysm
Tyranids win the roll off and push the marines to deploy first where they elect to set up camp across their deployment zone. Pedro and his boys sit comfortably in their razorback holding one objective, sipping gin and juice. The devastators set up their bolters atop the bastion holding the second and finally the third objective is held by the tactical squad over in the left corner ( Marine perspective.)
In reserves for the Fists are the drop pod with 10 combat squading Sternguard and the terminators with the chapter master (doppelgänger of Lysander.)
The Tyranids huddle into the one ruin in the bottom left corner (Tyranid perspective) huddled around the venomthropes delightful bubble of cover.In Reserves for the Tyranids are 2 swarms of Rippers, 1 Mawloc and a Crone.
As the Fists deployed so defensively and the Tyranids lack of long range offensive, they give bug eyes first turn! Crafty!
Tyranids Turn 1
With the first turn being night fight and there being very little to aim for apart from the razorbacks, the two Hive Tyrants have very little target choice. After the Tyrants fly half the way up the board, the Stone Crushers shift their butts up the left flank trailing behind them.
The Slowpokes batter their way through the ruins, charging towards those lemon looking’ marines!
After failing ALL psychic tests ( haha yes! all of them! not a single 4+ on 7 dice.) They both pummel the razorback in with their devourers however due so some cover shenanigans it has a 2+ cover save, which keeps it safe from all bar 1 single shot which causes crew stunned result. sweet right? A very awesome first turn.
Imperial Firsts Turn 1
The Sterngaurd thunder down into the left corner where the swarm had huddled up together and break off on arrival into their combat squads, while the rest of the marines sit pretty in their ruins/bastion. Both veteran squads load up their bolters with ignore cover rounds where the first squad exterminate the venomthrope and the second manage to kill a warrior.
Drop the Bass Pod!
The rest of the army( Literally, everything on the table) fires on the airborne Hive Tyrant (non warlord) hoping to bring it down but much like Legolas at Helms Deep( LOTR FTW!), they fail to do so as only the razorback is able to cut a single wound off it. It manages to stay up in ze sky after passing its grounding check and appears to give 0 Fricks today. Good shootin’ boys! For the Emprah or whatever!
The Approaching Nightmare!
Tyranids Turn 2
After the heart stopping excitement of turn one, the Monstars feel like they should step it up a notch! The two swarms arrive burrowing up on to 2 of the objectives while the Hive crone hurtles towards the sterngaurd. The Tyrants continue to flap away into the enemy lines while the stone crushers slowly make their way past the half way mark of the board…
Stoners trailing behind…kinda reminds of me this kid:
Heeey you guyyss!!!!
The Warriors come down from their level who are accompanied by none other than the Biovore’s as they prepare to launch an aggressive assault on the veterans.
The Tyrants cover their butts with catalyst and make a bus stop out of the razorback leaving Pedro and his homies sitting there in a daze surrounded by the wreckage….
The Crone does nothing due too a unconscious boo boo by myself, putting the warriors in front of it making his drool cannon redundant…I’m not even mad, I totally deserved it for being a special!
evidence of my rookie boo boo
The Warriors, exocrine and biovore’s all declare war on the veterans and charge in furiously. except the Exocrine of course who fails a 3 inch charge on shnake eysh! lol, what a CHUMP!
Despite a large sum of hits each, the warriors and biovore’s are unable to touch the sterngaurd and also manage to lose a biovore in the fight. Looks like the fight will rage on into a second round!
Imperial Firsts Turn 2
The terminators do not bring the aid to the sterngaurd just yet as they must be having some troubles with their teleporter. The Sterngaurd fire into the face of the fat, lazy exocrine (which must be panting pretty heavily after running a HUGE total 0 metres last turn.) with their wound on 2’s however it’s thick carapace is just too much to get through.
the rest of army fires everything at the Tyrant on three wounds but out of every heavy bolter, gun, pistol and missile launcher only a single missile hits. it wounds but is denied by catalyst! Wop wop!
The ongoing game of slapsies between the warriors, biovores and 5 sterngaurd results in a tie after the veterans take 2 casualties while a biovore also take two wounds itself.
Tyranids Turn 3
The Hungry, Hungry Mawloc pops up and noms 4 of the 5 sterngaurd while the tyrants surround the tactical squad, Pedro and his veterans in the building on the left ruin in the fists deployment zone. (Staying in glide mode) However even with the combined mass of fire power from the tyrants, they only manage to kill a single devastator and 2 sterngaurd from Pedro’s unit.
Nommy Nom Nom!
The Slowpokes fail a 4 inch charge on the tactical squad with an abdominal roll of snake eyes AGAIN!( Fuck you Sean Connery!) why is it that the first time you use something cool, it ALWAYS sucks?! Godfrickingdamnit!
its just…so far… maybe later?
The other fatty: The Exocrine, charges into the other squad of sterngaurd and is successful! devouring the remaining 3 veterans while the other squad continue to bust a nut on the biovores bringing this round also to a draw, locking down the fight for another turn! I can see a pattern emerging…
Imperial Firsts Turn 3
The terminators are still a no show! they had better have some seriously good killy moments on turn 4 as their presence is definitely required to take on the sheer volume of tough buggers approaching the deployment lines of the fists.
Everything that isn’t tied up into combat fires into the hive tyrant again and, you know what?
they fail to touch him again! trololololol!
you’ll never catch meeee!
Tyranids Turn 4
Both tyrants are blessed with Catalyst again while they continue to fly over towards the centre of the board, cleansing the last of the sterngaurd that the Mawloc left from last turn.
The last Veteran psyches himself up atop the bastion as he awaits his certain doom.
The Slowpokes finally manage a charge! their Hammer of wrath savage 5 of the tactical marines ( very disappointing rolling, I was expecting 6-7 kills!) while their other attacks finish off the rest of the squad – now making their way towards Pedro… oh dear Pedro…
The exocrine that broke off from combat last turn assaults the drop pod and does an awesome job at failing to hit it with a smash.
The Mawloc charges into the Devastators and finishes off the last of them.
Imperial Firsts Turn 4
OH HEY GUYS! Says the Master to his Chapter after arriving fashionably late into their own deployment zone to meet the Tyrants and Fex’s.
Both Pedro and Lyander’s doppelgänger call upon 2 orbital bombardments onto the swarm holding an objective in the backfield of no mans land – of which both miss! Yikes!
Rippers in a blender – Will it Blend? – NO!
The remaining tactical squad snapfires into the Tyrant on 3 wounds but nothing is able to hit it again. surprise!( I secretly removed all of the 6’s from his dice. Shhhh!)
Vote for Pedro charges into the Mawloc and beats 4 wounds off the sucker while the mawloc dishes back 1 in return. It then slithers out of combat with Hit n’ Run.
The Sterngaurd finish off the last of the biovores while the warriors fail to touch them again leaving them locked down.
Tyranids Turn 5
With the Tyrants deap into the marines deployment zone they lose synapse range with the Fex’s- even with dominion cast last turn. They fail their instinctive behaviour test and beat the shit out of each other, taking another wound. They do however hold their ground on an objective while the Crone goes into swoop mode and floats back to take control of another -meaning the Tyranids currently hold 3 to the Marines holding 2.
Hungry, Hungry Mawloc jumps back into combat with Pedro and makes sweet, sweet love to him and his Veteran buddy earning the Tyranids slay the Warlord! Hoorah, Go Mowy!
The fight between the Sterngaurd and warriors continues as now they are down to just a few bodies/wounds each! The end is coming!
The Exocrine attempts to punch the drop pod AGAIN and fails. Lol, sucker punch fail.
Imperial Firsts Turn 5
The last standing marines that have the objective in their control make a final stand and fire upon the now grounded hive tyrants but due to losing 2BS from paroxysm last turn they struggle to cause any wounds on the nightmarish beast! The end is nigh for you, bro’s!
The fight between the Sterngaurd and warriors continues some more…
Chapter master Hammertime with his Hammering buddies charge into the ever hungry Mawloc and beat it to absolute obliteration bringing the 5th and potentially final turn to a close! Somebody call the RSPCT!
(Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Tyranids FYI!)
Brother makes the roll for turn 6,
and the game goes on!
Tyranids Turn 6
resisting a HUGE urge to go and sensuously take on the on the the Hammernators, the Crone and Fex’s pass their instinctive behaviour tests and hold their ground on the objectives.
Both Tyrants reinforce their survivability with catalyst while cursing the chapter masters terminators with paroxysm at -3WS. they butcher the remaining tactical squad and take control of the objective.
The fight between the Sterngaurd and Warriors continues even more…they are now whittled down to the last man/alien! 1v1!
The Exocrine attempts to punch a hole through the drop pod and yet again, fails…great job buddy! You suck!
Imperial Firsts Turn 6
Ah… here we see, the two alpha-males do battle once again in the southern hemisphere of the board… The fight between the Sterngaurd and Warrior comes to an apocalyptic ending after a NAIL BITING 5 FUCKING TURNS where the last warrior on two wounds finally K.O’s the lone sterngaurd. (All credit due to those marines though, they held off well over 400 points of bugs for a long ass time!)
The Hammernators assault the Tyrant on three wounds. They lose a brother to the quick reflex’s of the tyrant but in return cause a very quick end for the monstrosity where, even when they are hitting on 5’s and with catalyst on the Tyrant, they still butcher the shit out of it. They consolidate a massive 6 inches and form a conga line allowing the chapter master to take control of one objective and the terminators hold the other once again.
We make the roll to see if the game goes on and it does, we make our last strategical moves but consider the score final as nothing can change in the space of just a single turn to alter the result.
Line Breaker, Slay the Warlord – 2
Devour – 7
Crusade – 9
Line Breaker, First Blood! – 2
Purge the Alien – 5
Crusade – 6
Well that game was full of shite dice rolling! Tyranids had that game comfortably on hand after turn 2 – one of the reasons due to the sheer crap out’a luck rolling to hit the yellows had! However the marines weren’t alone… Nids had their fair share of dice boo boo’s too. The two snake eyes assault charges come to mind but and this is a big phat butt! I didn’t perils once! Woooo!
So! Stone Crushers…. Ah boys. You sound so funky and yet, you are oh so slow. I want to love you and I want to see you beat the bolts out of a Titan/ Knight/ Superheavy but I just don’t see it happening and with you costing 450 points for your brood I just cannot see myself using you competitively – I’m sorry.
It’s a damn shame too! If they had just a teeny bit more of an incentive( Slightly cheaper points or faster running?) to take them I would use them every game but sadly I just don’t think they cut it. Sure, they hit hard as hell but it’s just too unlikely they will get the chance too hit enough to make their money back – especially not in hammer and anvil!
Also If you are forced to deploy first you are sure to be in redundant position with them. So in answer of my question of Which Fexing Fex should I take – it has got to be the Dakka. CC just isn’t what it used to be, even with these slow coaches. That’s not to say that these things don’t go to town when they have the chance too because of man, they do. They could potentially wreck a Revenant in one combat phase. infact it’s probably very likely that they would!
3 D3 HOW = 6 on average Armour Bane, Hammer of Wrath hits at AP 2 = 6 pens, 1 explode = average extra 2 HP = 8HP from just the impact hits and then plus the 9 WS 3 S10 AP1 sunder hits from the wrecker claws – ch’yeah. They’d fucking devourer one! ( IF they ever got near it that is!
So what are your opinions on the stone crushers? Love them? Hate them? prefer a different variation? let me know what you think!
Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed the game! Be sure to check back again for some more 40k carnage and rule blunders!