Special Guest Editorial by Facepuncher

Special Tactics article by David “Facepuncher” Key from Team Zer0 Comp: This special tactica will wing you games and friends, guaranteed! 

The Problem

I have been playing 40K for some time now. I have collected many armies and weathered many editions of the rules. I like to think that I am a decent tournament player most of the time. Unfortunately, as is the case with just about everything in life, there is always someone who is just a little bit better. These “people”, if that is what you can really call them, will continually take wins away from my otherwise pristine record, gather copious amounts of “my” prize support, and maintain a veneer of false humility(clearly false) and good naturedness that could herd flagellants during a full moon in Mordheim . Disgusting, right?

Fortunately, there is a solution…

The Solution

Force alcohol induced mistakes. It is as simple as that. “Oh, you think you have super powers Mr. Winner guy??? BOOOM. Try doing it drunk buddy.” With the application of a little inebriate, even the most focused gamer will make mistakes that you can capitalize on ultimately getting you the win.

The Ropes

There are two important points to keep in mind while executing this strategy:

1. The amount of alcohol required to inebriate the said opponent.

2. Execution without stirring suspicion.

The first point requires a good eye for body weight to inebriation ratios and a keen sense of when some one is drunk vs merely buzzed. Spending some quality time at bars observing drinkers is the best way to develop this intuition. Trial and error will naturally play a big part in this. Personal experience has shown that body mass is not necessarily the top indicator of how much liquor someone can hold. In particular, be wary of the Irish. As a Gaelic chap myself I can personally attest to the fact that the small can pull their weight in drinking.

The second point is not too hard to follow with a little bit of preparation. Two items in particular have helped me avoid suspicion. A solid ceramic mug(non-transparent) and a container of apple juice. When you put these two items together, it is practically impossible to tell that you are not actually drinking a frosty Budweiser. So while your unsuspecting opponent is sucking down “liquid mistakes” you will coyly be drinking up to your soon to be victory. YEAH!

Example Approach

Here are some tried and true examples of how you can get this strategy going:

“Hey. That is a nice Stormraven. I like things that fly. Hey? Do you want to fly too?”

“WOW. It is really strange. I took 3 shots of JD last round and totally won. You should try it this round. I don’t really want to win. Ok? Good, here.”

“Woah.. I am SOOO drunk. You seem sober. That is not fair. You need to make this more even or I will report you for cheating. Haha… but seriously… here, have a beer.”

“Wow. I really like your Imperial Fists. That hue of yellow really reminds me of a nice tasty pilsner. Say…”

Bonus

One of the great side-effects of this particular strategy is that your opponent will most likely be in most jovial spirits due to the relaxing effect of booze and the heightened sense of ease. Bonus!!! They will most profusely thank you for such a fun game and great time. You have just made a friend AND taken advantage of them at the same time. Good job! You are now firmly on the path to being a true winner.

Conclusion

I think the conclusion here is obvious. Sometimes you just cant win on your own merits and you have to pull out something a little extra to “get one in there” for big #1. Don’t forget what is important! =)

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About Reecius

The fearless leader of the intrepid group of gamers gone retailers at Frontline Gaming!

13 Responses to “Special Guest Editorial by Facepuncher”

  1. Son Of Dorn November 25, 2012 12:57 am
    #

    Ah, Reece’s biggest GT weakness. 😉

    • Reecius
      Reecius November 25, 2012 12:43 pm
      #

      Indeed it is! Haha, definitely need to put a stop to that!

  2. Jason
    Clown Baby November 25, 2012 1:51 pm
    #

    Team Zero Comp! If you aint cheaten, you aint tryin!

    • Reecius
      Reecius November 25, 2012 7:20 pm
      #

      Clown Baby, you are a disgrace to this team! hahaha

  3. frank November 25, 2012 1:56 pm
    #

    Well if someone wanted to beat me that badly they where willing to spend any amount of money to get me drunk then i guest I could live with that lol nice post.

  4. Murphus November 25, 2012 9:37 pm
    #

    Im better when Im drunk!

    I wanna see the bols trolls at this thread though. Should be good for bonus laughs.

    • David November 26, 2012 9:11 am
      #

      Haha. Me too. I wrote this up real quick as a joke article. Not sure if they will post it on BoLS for content reasons, but it would be funny if they do.

      • Murphus November 26, 2012 9:57 pm
        #

        Did you submit it to them? Or do they have the ability to pull material from the site because of your guys relationship?

    • Reecius
      Reecius November 26, 2012 1:26 pm
      #

      Hahaha, that would be super funny because most of them would think it was serious and then take huge offense at the idea of getting your opponent drunk, such a WAAC thing to do! haha

  5. Gonka Koff November 26, 2012 7:16 am
    #

    Been there, tried it, it worked excellent!

    Almost killed Reece and Frankie during execution of the plan, I’m happy that they ( just barely) remained conscious at the end of the game to be able to sign the result sheet! 😉

    / team Swedish Invasion: Wave One

    • David November 26, 2012 9:27 am
      #

      Nice. I heard some great stories about that game!

  6. Dok November 26, 2012 4:35 pm
    #

    Seems legit. I have been on the receiving end of this tactic before and I gotta say, I like it.

  7. Defeatmyarmy November 27, 2012 11:58 am
    #

    Drinking 40s at tourneys is the way to go. I’m bringing at least a 6 pack to my face at the BAO during round 1! Look for the wide shoulders with the tomb stalker wraiths, I might be generou enough to share. MIGHT BE……