Special Tactics article by David “Facepuncher” Key from Team Zer0 Comp: This special tactica will wing you games and friends, guaranteed!
I have been playing 40K for some time now. I have collected many armies and weathered many editions of the rules. I like to think that I am a decent tournament player most of the time. Unfortunately, as is the case with just about everything in life, there is always someone who is just a little bit better. These “people”, if that is what you can really call them, will continually take wins away from my otherwise pristine record, gather copious amounts of “my” prize support, and maintain a veneer of false humility(clearly false) and good naturedness that could herd flagellants during a full moon in Mordheim . Disgusting, right?
Fortunately, there is a solution…
Force alcohol induced mistakes. It is as simple as that. “Oh, you think you have super powers Mr. Winner guy??? BOOOM. Try doing it drunk buddy.” With the application of a little inebriate, even the most focused gamer will make mistakes that you can capitalize on ultimately getting you the win.
There are two important points to keep in mind while executing this strategy:
1. The amount of alcohol required to inebriate the said opponent.
2. Execution without stirring suspicion.
The first point requires a good eye for body weight to inebriation ratios and a keen sense of when some one is drunk vs merely buzzed. Spending some quality time at bars observing drinkers is the best way to develop this intuition. Trial and error will naturally play a big part in this. Personal experience has shown that body mass is not necessarily the top indicator of how much liquor someone can hold. In particular, be wary of the Irish. As a Gaelic chap myself I can personally attest to the fact that the small can pull their weight in drinking.
The second point is not too hard to follow with a little bit of preparation. Two items in particular have helped me avoid suspicion. A solid ceramic mug(non-transparent) and a container of apple juice. When you put these two items together, it is practically impossible to tell that you are not actually drinking a frosty Budweiser. So while your unsuspecting opponent is sucking down “liquid mistakes” you will coyly be drinking up to your soon to be victory. YEAH!
Here are some tried and true examples of how you can get this strategy going:
“Hey. That is a nice Stormraven. I like things that fly. Hey? Do you want to fly too?”
“WOW. It is really strange. I took 3 shots of JD last round and totally won. You should try it this round. I don’t really want to win. Ok? Good, here.”
“Woah.. I am SOOO drunk. You seem sober. That is not fair. You need to make this more even or I will report you for cheating. Haha… but seriously… here, have a beer.”
“Wow. I really like your Imperial Fists. That hue of yellow really reminds me of a nice tasty pilsner. Say…”
One of the great side-effects of this particular strategy is that your opponent will most likely be in most jovial spirits due to the relaxing effect of booze and the heightened sense of ease. Bonus!!! They will most profusely thank you for such a fun game and great time. You have just made a friend AND taken advantage of them at the same time. Good job! You are now firmly on the path to being a true winner.
I think the conclusion here is obvious. Sometimes you just cant win on your own merits and you have to pull out something a little extra to “get one in there” for big #1. Don’t forget what is important! =)