40K Humor: Rumors of 7th Edition!

Hot of the presses, this is the latest on what 7th edition may yet hold for us!

Cheers Matties,

This is Natt Hord, the creator of Random Hammer 41K here to discuss some of the exciting things we have lined up for 7th edition!

Too soon to be discussing the next edition? Perhaps so, but we wanted to let you all know that we’ve heard your pleas and want to give you more of the great spectating event that is playing a game of Random Hammer 41K!

In 6th edition of Random Hammer we gave you random Psychic Powers, random Warlord Traits, random Objectives, random Terrain, and everyone’s favorite: random Charge Lengths! Because we all know, in the swirling melee of cataclysmic combat, plucky soldiers are as likely to fall flat on their faces in the wide open as they are to run through broken terrain as fast as a speeding motorbike! Cinematicality at its best! Will it be the Olympics…or the Special Olympics? Nobody knows! What fun!

Why you may ask would we include random charge lengths? Well because with pre-measuring, it would be unsporting to know how far away from the enemy you must move to avoid a charge. Despite the fact that in previous editions not knowing how far away your opponent’s soldiers were while knowing how far your soldiers may charge is essentially the same thing…..but let’s not get hung up on silly details, right?!

More is always more, so we thought to ourselves, why should we punish the dashing assaulty blokes because we added in pre-measuring, but not also punish shooting units which gain the same benefit from pre-measuring as assaulters do? The answer was quite clear to me: random weapon ranges!

That’s right, in Random Hammer 41K 7th ed, you can expect random weapon ranges! Pistols? 2D6”! Rifles? 4D6”! Heavy Weapons? 8D6”! Huzzah!

Because whilst locked in brutish and bloody, grim-dark combat, your elite, highly trained warriors’ ultra high-tech weapons may fire their rocket propelled shells as far as a spit ball, or across the table! Which will it be? Nobody knows! Weeee!

But why stop there? In vicious, un-gentlemanly combat of the roughest sort, soldiers are as likely to flee in terror from the stark horrors of the 42nd Millennium as they are to charge courageously at the enemy. So, instead of moving your soldiers where you want, for each unit, roll a scatter die and 2D6” to see where and how far they go! Yes, truly Random Movement! How realistic!? Such cinematics! Soldiers running amok every which way in total Chaos, I say good chaps, we are truly observing the fog of war in action!

As every commander in reality can’t choose their forces as they see fit but must work with what they have, instead of writing up an army list, you will roll for each FOC slot and take which ever unit you roll up until you run out of points! Truly, this is the way to show your mettle on the table top: a real general wins with any units! Huzzah!

Ah yes, what a great game this shall be! You don’t control any aspect of what your soldiers do in any way, just like real war! So poor yourself a cup of tea and sit down to enjoy watching a game of Random Hammer 41K with your mates!

And on an aside, to the rumors circulating that I own a large amount of shares in some silly game called Warmahordes, I say balderdash! Nothing more than a base lie spread by ruffians and scoundrels of the lowest order. But you know, if you are curious, I hear that game is pretty good, and you now, if you wanted to give it a try and buy some of the stuff, I wouldn’t hold it against you….


About Reecius

The fearless leader of the intrepid group of gamers gone retailers at Frontline Gaming!

14 Responses to “40K Humor: Rumors of 7th Edition!”

  1. Kralizak July 22, 2012 12:09 am #

    lol. sums up the thoughts of GW, or at least some (or one) of its writers…;)

    • Kralizak July 22, 2012 12:13 am #

      too bad they forgot the part where you roll to determine who you shoot or declare an assault against 😉

      • Reecius July 22, 2012 10:33 am #

        Hahaha, that will be in the FAQ!

  2. Dan July 22, 2012 9:20 am #

    Instead of a crude scatter die, I propose one of those vibrating football boards:

    • white925 July 22, 2012 10:12 am #

      Haha I agree with the vibrating football board would make games a lot more interesting.

    • Reecius July 22, 2012 10:32 am #

      Hahahahahaha, yes! So much better than doing anything yourself like a brutish pleab!

  3. Kingsfan July 22, 2012 12:34 pm #

    hilarious. Grab a pint and your dice. Keep the army lists and tac templates at home but bring extra tape measures as you’re sure to wear them out.

  4. Platuan4th July 22, 2012 1:38 pm #

    “As every commander in reality can’t choose their forces as they see fit but must work with what they have, instead of writing up an army list, you will roll for each FOC slot and take which ever unit you roll up until you run out of points! Truly, this is the way to show your mettle on the table top: a real general wins with any units! Huzzah!”

    Funniest part: we actually do this in Warmachine/Hordes to test ourselves or to change things up every once in a while. You’ll see it pop up on the PP boards every now and again.

    Randomly pick a Warcaster, then shuffle your ‘Jacks, Units, and Solos and randomly choose from the deck until you run out of points.

    There’s even an official tournament variety named “Who’s the Boss” where you build a list and get a Warcaster/Warlock randomly assigned to you(and not necessarily from your faciton!).

    • Reecius July 22, 2012 1:49 pm #

      That actually sounds like fun, hahaha, but it’s not really viable in 40K due to all the unit options.

  5. 6THST.Alan July 23, 2012 11:26 am #

    I am going to make a 7th edition video battle report based off these rules!

    • Reecius July 23, 2012 11:40 am #

      Hahah, yes! We were joking about doing that, too!

    • Cas July 26, 2012 7:43 am #

      If you do, please make use of some of my additional rules 🙂

      • Reecius July 26, 2012 12:02 pm #

        Hahaha, most definitely!

  6. Cas July 26, 2012 7:40 am #

    You’ve missed some of the key leaked parts of the 7th edition rulebook:

    – Random armies: Roll D6 at the start of the game and each subsequent turn. On a 1-3, you now command the opposing army. Note that you must roll once for each player, so that it is perfectly possible for both players to end up commanding the same army in a given turn, with no one opposing them. If this happens, the game ends. Flip a coin to find out which player has won. Flip the coin once for each player, so that it is possible for both players to win or lose.

    – Random century: It’s not W40K anymore, it’s W(40+1D6)K! Battle in the 47th millenia!

    – Random movement directions. When opting to move a unit, the owning player must roll a scatter dice. The unit moves in the indicated direction.

    – Random game: At the beginning of each turn, each player must roll 1D6. The result indicates which game they are now playing –

    1 – W40K (continue as randomly normal)
    2 – WFB (all units must immediately enter formations, where models remain in base-to-base contact).
    3 – Blood Bowl (give a football to one member of a random Troop unit. Deployment zones are now Endzones. Let the games begin).
    4 – Epic 40K (both players must now stand at least 60 feet away from the gaming table. Friends and family must move individual models around the table for them).
    5 – Space Fleet (both players must place their units in plastic boxes and move them around on a black tablecloth).
    6 – Twister.

    – Random randomness: Roll 1D4 when you receive your copy of the new rulebook. On a 3 or 4, throw the rulebook away and ignore all new random rules. On a 1 or 2, go out and buy a copy of the rulebook. This may indeed lead to owning several copies of the rulebook, more cash for the cash God!

    – Tzeentch armies are retired in the 7th edition, due to the fact that everything is random and therefore nothing can be planned (that’s what we WANT you to think, just as planned!)

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