Girls Game too! Or at least can learn to tolerate us men that do =)

Will’s girlfriend, Ashley, has written an article for Frontline Gaming on how to broach the subject of your toy soldier obsessions with a current or potential lady friend.

 So let’s be real for a minute – Warhammer isn’t exactly “first date” conversation material (unless you’re part of the two percent of gamers who met their significant other through Warhammer, in which case I tip my hat to you). Of course, there’s a time and place for everything, but always bear in mind – everybody has their preference in hobbies. Yes, some may be socially considered more “nerdy” than others in the mainstream. I, for one, took part in a competitive Scrabble team here at UC Berkeley, to which a handful of my friends would argue as the absolute height of geekiness. In fact, it wasn’t until I informed William (my boyfriend, for those of you who don’t know) about my past commitment to my Scrabble team and previous obsession in painting Warhammer figures that he finally informed me of his “secret hobby”. My boyfriend plays Warhammer.

It wasn’t until a few months into our relationship that William finally told me, after multiple attempts in trying to figure out what he was so diligently keeping discreet.  Not only was I relieved that he wasn’t some kind of anime porn addict or mass murderer (or worse -both), but I was more saddened by the fact that he kept it silenced from me for so long. In his defense, he clarified his reasoning to withhold his hobby from me by explaining that he just couldn’t find a balanced but informative way to bring it up. Alas, this blog post. I made a list of a few tips to smoothly enlighten your significant other (or potential) of your hobby without being too revealing and scaring them off.

If for some reason or another your partner decides your appreciation for Warhammer is not something they can accept, just remember – they’re not worth it to begin with. Their loss, not yours. Contrary to popular belief, there are girls out there who aren’t as shallow as we’re made out to be. And yes, there are hot ones out there, too.

1)      Find a medium- The first few dates aren’t intended to spill your whole life story, rather, to get a feel for the person’s character and goals in life. Hobbies tend to be one of the more common topics of conversation, but I personally recommend holding off on your Space Marine obsession until you feel more comfortable with the person, or when they take the first approach in confiding something in you.

2)      Introduce painting before anything– I haven’t met a girl in my life that doesn’t appreciate art and painting, or a man that can do so himself for that matter. Painting shows attention to detail, patience, and consistency- something girls continually search for in a partner. Plus, the game of Warhammer is far too complex to present as a whole, so breaking it into increments rather than showing her the full table right away will be a more easy transition into actually understanding. For all you know, she may even start painting your figures for you one day (wishful thinking).

3)      Be confident– Confidence is sexy! If you introduce Warhammer as something you’re not so self-assured of, you leave room for judgment and criticism. Security in yourself is absolutely vital, and becomes most apparent when you stand strong with your appreciations.

With that being said, go out and find some ladies. It gets a little lonely here at Frontline Gaming being the only source of estrogen. Aside from that, I’m curious as to what your experiences are in introducing Warhammer to a partner?

 

-Ashley Saffarian

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About Reecius

The fearless leader of the intrepid group of gamers gone retailers at Frontline Gaming!

11 Responses to “”

  1. Ben February 2, 2012 6:29 am #

    haha nice little blog post. My gf at first was reluctant and getting frusterated at me staying up late painting and such mainly because I hadnt really explained it all to her. She eventually said she wanted to try and build something, and her attention to detail helped out as she cleaned up every little bit she was cutting to glue. I’m now her ‘nerdy baby’., and when I go to play shes says have fun with your girlfriends playing your game (to poke fun not condescendingly), and thinks its like risk mixed with chess (i dont want to explain the rules to her it might go over her head). She got me some stuff for xmas which was funny as I pictured her trying to find stuff at the hobby store. But she recently told me that occasionally when shes sitting in nursing class at night she has the urge to build. I think she gets more annoyed about me trolling through forums and watching batreps than the hobby itself at times. Regardless Im really really lucky i feel to have a great girlfriend who supports my hobby 110%. i.e. she was excited to hear I had ordered a whole new army to build and paint from Frontline, until I told her how much I spent haha, but she said its good Im glad you have a hobby, you should spoil yourself with something new.

    Pretty much its all about balance…. no matter how supportive a spouse can be of your hobbies you cant make them think it comes before them. At the same time the spouse
    needs to respect the fact that you need your personal time to hobby and play etc. And not just bc shes my gf but I guess i got lucky in finding a hot understanding one ^^

  2. Kasil February 2, 2012 7:45 am #

    On our third date, my now wife told me that she was unable to have kids; I countered with: “I am a nerd.” Well, It obviously worked out and while had she never dated anybody with a “hobby” like ours, she has grown to really like it, though not for the hobby itself, but for how I am because of it.

    We have a good compromise, she gets the TV and I get to paint. This means she gets to watch the kardashians, bachelor and all the other awful shows that she likes and I sit at the table and paint. We spend most evenings in this way, together and each doing something we enjoy. I talk about 40k and she pretends to listen (which is fine, sometimes it just helps to think out loud) and she talks about bachelor and I talk about it with her, bad TV is tolerable when painting!

    I am proud to say that my wife is one of the “hot ones” (to supports Ashley’s point above that they do exist), and in the big picture, 40k is more of a pro than a con in our relationship.

  3. Rich with GSI February 2, 2012 8:30 am #

    Ashley is absolutely right. Confidence and presentation is key. Tell the truth confidently and in an easily digestable way and likely she’ll be glad you’re not playing WOW 24/7 (unless she plays WOW 24/7, of course). If she does get scared off, likely you won’t be long-term, anyway.

    Like Kasil’s wife, mine is just happy she gets to watch Glee without my muttering “This is utter crap!” from the other end of the couch.

  4. Easy February 2, 2012 10:00 am #

    At first my wifw hated 40k. Now she’s painting my dark angels.
    I think that at first she was some jealous about the time I spent with 40k, but now we found that is a hobby we can share.

  5. Ashley Saffarian February 2, 2012 3:21 pm #

    @Ben- I completely understand. There are nights where I beg William to turn the light off and get in bed, and he responds (if he responds at all) with “Just a minute babe, writing my list” or he’s busy trolling the internet for crazy paint jobs. Truth be told, it got a bit frustrating at times. Like you said, there really should be a balance between your hobby, your girlfriend, and incorporating the two occasionally. Not prioritizing or favoring one over the other (it should never get to that point), but also not starting every conversation with “Wanna see my Chaos Daemons?”

    @Kasil- That’s awesome! I often update my food blog or lurk Facebook while here at Frontline Gaming with the boys. It’s a bit much for me at times (and most females, respectably) because there’s still so much I don’t know about. As much as William tries to show me the game and teach me the rules, it’s still one of the most intricate and strategically inclined hobbies I’ve ever witnessed. With that being said, I’ve really developed an appreciation for Warhammer over the past few months, and an even greater appreciation for William. I’m so proud of him – he’s doing what he loves and he’s damn good at it, too. Just like I don’t expect William to stay and watch me bake cupcakes for my food blog (although I DO expect him to eat them and tell me how they are.. 🙂 I know he doesn’t expect me to sit next to him and watch him paint Necrons (ironically enough, I’m doing exactly that as I’m typing this).

    @Rich with GSI- Exactly! On Christmas morning, William introduced Frontline Gaming to my mom (she had no previous knowledge of his Warhammer interest). She was so impressed! He willingly brought up the website on her MacBook and told her exactly what he does. He broke it down for her in a way which she would best understand the hobby, and simply watching him do that with such confidence was definitely the best part of my Christmas by far (aside from the awesome Fender acoustic guitar he got me).

    @Easy- It’s definitely understandable for your wife to feel neglected at times when you’re in “your zone” (trust me, I know how that is) and painting with her is probably one of the best things you can do. It may not be apparent, but I promise you it’s something that’s really special for her, too, because you’re inviting her into something you’re so passionate about. Funny enough, I’ve started painting again with the boys too, which makes me feel really involved rather than sidelined. I’m a huge fan of metallic colors, ask any of the guys!

  6. David February 2, 2012 8:33 pm #

    After few months in my relationship I told my gf about my hobby. We met in a salsa class and it has been our “connection point” and obviously not my passion for small guys. I think it’s better to hold that for a while not because we’re ashamed about it but more that it’s not the point of the beginning of a relationship. Then later when I told her she started to laugh for a while every time she saw I was involved in it. But with the time and obviously the fact that I wasn’t ashamed by it she started to accept it. Like you said she has a passion for photography and I always encouraged her to push that passion and I can spend some time with my minis. I think we should find a middle ground between our hobby and our couple life. I enjoy doing both and never put one before the other and I think it’s just find the way it is. And guys find a gf, even if sometimes you wish you were single, at the end it’s just enlighten your days 🙂

  7. Fuegan17 February 2, 2012 10:07 pm #

    Great article! my personal experience: I would consider myself one of the luckier ones. When I first talked to my girlfriend about my wargaming hobby she kinda laughed and didn’t understand. Then when I showed her some of my best models and entire armies painted to high standards she had a new respect for my hobby. And since I travel to tournaments alot she sees the amount of effort I put into it, and sees my dedication and has alot of appreciation of the qualitites she sees because of it, as you put in your article. Funnily enough, it was the painting that daunted her more so we’re actually starting off with playing the game first. She already has 2 full games under her belt with legal armies and rules and everything albeit just with infantry models. We eventually plan to have her become the first female member of zero comp!

    • Reecius
      Reecius February 3, 2012 12:23 pm #

      A female member of the team? That would be awesome! She can’t beat you to join the team, though =)

  8. Ashley Saffarian February 3, 2012 2:01 pm #

    @Fuegan17- See? No girl would ever legitimately sit and try to understand Warhammer if she really didn’t want to. That’d be awesome to have a chick addition to Zero Comp! Hopefully you bring her by sometime so we can meet 🙂

  9. SammyJ September 9, 2012 10:02 am #

    My boyfriend plays Warhammer. He played it a great deal years a go and has recently reignited his passion for his army of High Elves. At first I thought it was a really sweet endearing hobby that he had nothing to be embarrassed about. It’s a really healthy hobby that requires commitment and intelligence. However, as the months have passed I am beginning to get very frustrating. I find that it’s all consuming. He spends all week at work, and at the weekend, when everyone else is investing in their relationships – he spends all day at a games club. I’ve read a few comments on here that say something along the lines of ‘I don’t put warhammer or my girlfriend before one another’. WHAT?! Surely you should put your girlfriend first. Your little army of men aren’t going to raise your children and support you when things get tough. The amount of time my boyfriend invests in painting, games club, reading articles on the web AND white dwarf is not healthy.

    • Reecius
      Reecius September 9, 2012 11:35 am #

      Yeah, your relationship should certainly come first I would think. Best thing to do is to talk to him about it for sure.

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